Found and lost?

A goose's dream 거위의 꿈

2012-01-02T22:52:00.004+08:00

i wana be a great blogger~!

ani,

i wana be a great photographer~!

ani,

i wana be a great...

What i really wanted to do and to be in my life? I thought alot whenever i think about it.

Anything under the sun, anything in the universe... is never a thing that i never not have a thought about.

Maaybe it is becoz i am still in my stage 5 of role confusion vs identity?

Or maybe i am completely drown in effect of role confusion in my teen life?

PARALLEL LIFE ~ how cool it is if we could actually live in parallel lifesss and travel thru and fore x)

blablabla... after all i think to figure out my talent soon enough before it is too late aint it?

십년

2012-01-02T20:06:00.005+08:00

First post of the year 2012,

a year that mean alot to us,

HAPPY 10 years of friendversary to ShuTeng and me <3

This kinda surprise me, in just a blink of eye, we never ever stop ourselves to contact each other or stopping from the trend in visiting each other (after knowing that we live just a street away) that we had for years(i know this will still continue until when any of us go to overseas or etc). And now it's been 10 years.

*FINDING AND EDITING PICTURES X)*

GREEN LIFE

2011-10-22T16:36:00.002+08:00

i have and had green thingy in my whole life.

when i was young, i always choose stuffs that are green (actually, aint i choose but i chose to let my sisters to choose what colours they favour first), eventually parents thought i love green

when i graduated from high school, the robe i had to wear was green too.

when i studied ausmat in sunway university college, the uniform for ausmatian was green too.

sigh, green is always around me, though so, but i never liked green instead i hate !(except shinee's fan club green)

LOL, so ironic am i ? teehee ~

Blue, Pink & Green ausmatian

2011-10-22T14:09:00.003+08:00

19/10/2011 - 21/10/2011

YES! Blue day, Pink day and Green day!

L.O.V.E

2011-10-22T14:08:00.004+08:00

What is love?

Love is sweet; love is bitter. Everyone experiences sweet and bitter in their journey of life. Roads along the journey is always rugged. That is when challenge is given, and need to be accepted.

Love can never be fair. You cant except someone to love you much as they love others. How they feel when they are with you and when they are with others are completely different. Coz you aint them , just so they aint you.

An advise from a pro-outsider, one should be willing to sacrifice for others instead of waiting for others to sacrifice for you.

two different person .

two different feelings.

i have a dream

2011-10-16T14:58:00.002+08:00

when you look at this sentence, what will appear your mind in the first time?

for me,

it is westlife version of i have a dream song

it is dr. martin luther kings's speech i have a dream

it is song sam dong's dream song

...

Ideal , Real self ?

2011-10-01T15:15:00.003+08:00

Ideal self is always said to be impossible to achieve in becoming your true self.

It is said that there is a gap between the real self and ideal one.

According to Carl Roger,

"Ideal self is the person you want to be ; Real self is who you actually are."

If what is said is true, then i will not able to reach my ideal self as i hope to be no matter how much effort i put in ?

If what is said is true, then my ideal guy will never be my true lover in future no matter how much belief i have in it ?

笑，幸福。

2011-09-30T00:23:00.004+08:00

不是因为幸福才笑，而是因为笑而觉得幸福 ♥

- KANG HO DONG via 强心脏

MEMORIES

2011-09-16T13:55:00.002+08:00

memories of lovely food i took

memories of waiting for my mum

memories of talking to him

memories of shopping with my friends

memories of going somewhere for the first time

memories of special events that i went

memories of sitting with him

memories of stalking him from far

memories of snapping the great shots of the sun light

memories of new clothes

memories of new items

memories of of everything that i took to recall for any other times to come

but

i just lost them all

though it is saved in my heart

but

long term memory can fade after sometime too

sometimes later i may not know what i did before during my youth

sometimes later i may not know what i actually love the most

sometimes later ...

PLAINLY STUPID?

2011-09-16T13:42:00.002+08:00

everyone told me to cheer up , dont cry , dont be sad.

but.

i cant stop myself from being so sad and doing the cry-over-split-milk action.

there are lots of memories in it.

memories that no one will understand.

memories that is so priceless.

memories that are more expensive than anything else.

i lost them all.

i cant blame anyone.

it is just plainly my own fault.

i am plainly stupid for not backing up my stuff in computer and also thumb-drive and in cd/dvd.

i am plainly stupid for carrying my phone to the toilet without my phone bag.

i am plainly stupid for everything, and everything happened because i am plainly stupid.

no matter how much regrets i have now no matter how much sorrow i feel now cant change a single bit of what have happened yesterday.

at first i thought i am having a bad worse worst day ever. but. actually i am just plainly stupid.

that is why i screwed my econ test without knowing i did wrong in the first place.

that is why i ended my phone's life in a deep down disgusting place.

goodbye to my econ. goodbye to my "hubby" supernova.

so long to them may they rip.

well..what i am doing now?

sound as if it is end of the world?

i dont know.

i am being so useless worthless emptiness now.

pray hard that yesterday never happened before. but it is worthless.

cant do anything that can undo my wrongs feeling useless.

doing what should i do now, feeling emptiness as whole.

Outingsss

2011-09-10T01:50:00.003+08:00

5/9/2011 Monday.

'Dating' at iceroom @ port dickson.

finally met evon dar at port dickson. since weiping couldnt make it with us. we officially start our date at iceroom.

it is the very first time i went there. i called manga...ice shaved. it is delicious as usual, coz it is the mango taste.

at first i thought we might be bored, but the result is unexpected. though just the two of us, we did had some fun chating together and enjoying the ice-shaved.

it is kinda sad as we thought that this raya holiday we could gather at port dickson for BARBECUE. however, the result remains constant.

"they" themselves had their outing w/o us again. this happens as i knew i aint important person to be counted in the group aka gang.

7/9/2011 Wednesday.

Had "a very first" shopping with mum.

8/9/2011 Thursday.

Out to go with sis. What's the flavour?

9/9/2011 Friday.

Tooth decay.

Yamcha as usual.

10/9/2011 Saturday.

Runaway with chia.

11/9/2011 Sunday.

Shop with mum again.

9/9/2011 Friday.

Wedding dinner day.

i had fun today ? somehow i doubt it is, i cant even have a right definition of fun now.

is fun about eating delicious food?

is fun about meeting old friends?

is fun about getting drunk too?

if it is, i didnt really got to eat all delicious food, i didnt really "meet" old friends, i didnt even drink much of the wine.

it feels like i am the most odd person there, doing nothing but just waiting for the next dish to be served. everyone was selca-ing, talking and high-ing. while i myself am doing nothing but staring what they are doing and fake a smile to what they smiled.

it feels even suck when someone ask me whether i did go to someppl's house when i dont even know why and when or what is that about~! well, maybe i am a too quiet person. so i dont have much friends. or should i say i have none?

친구?

2011-08-29T00:14:00.002+08:00

who i really belong in or belong to?

who am i?

i think i seriously have a huge role confusion is who i am.

i should not have went busybody to other ppl's wall and events.

in the end, i just found out i am just an ousider~!

yeah ~! g-r-e-a-t~!

i am no-body-else-cares person, nor do i should care myself of being cared by others ya?

who am i really?

why i am here for?

being someone that someone can lead for when they have no other people more that can care them for?

who can really define 有福同享，有难同当？

the sayings goes "a friend in need is a friend indeed"

where are/is my friend(s) when i needed them?

where am i when they needed friend?

i will always be there for them no matter i am able to help or not.

but where are they?

how about the happinest to share?

maybe the truth have already proof me for along time ago. that i am a loner and always be a loner.

okay, then i should now try to accept the fact the truth and the reality.

=')

STALK

2011-08-21T01:04:00.002+08:00

told me myself not to do this anymore. but. just when i saw him on fb... i am tempted to do so.

STALK~!

thought i cant see much as he does not have many new wall post or etc. i still wana go and have a look about his "life".

not been talking with him for a sentence...or even a word~!

i never ever have this chance...again/?

i know i had given the chance, not just once but more than once in being "alone" with him. i mean just the two of us, no friends around us.

but , every time i let the chance pass through, ... ... ...

and every time, the same old thing that i did is, silence.

yes, i let the chance pass, and this chance had been taken by that girl.

i know i dont have rights to hate/jealous of that girl..."do i?"

now i am not sure what am i talking about.

remembering, that day.

somehow i hoped to meet you at the library, but somehow, you were with that girl.

i didnt hope more to this . i just wana meet you, maybe this can help me in my math test later/?

what if you are still taking the same math as i do? will you still be as close with her? or vice versa with me? *sounds impossible*

may be i should have more courage in giving up, not thinking about anything anymore.

maybe love life is not what i should be in. maybe being just normal is just what i am and who i am. MAYBE.

swallowing that pains

2011-08-13T21:38:00.002+08:00

13/8/11 Saturday

i wana shout out loud to them that SWALLOWING pains, but all they could ever hear is just pain~!

i duno what to react especially when i thought them tat they just tell me to not bite but just swallow the porridge ~! but cant any single of human being of you all hear what i said~? SWALLOWING that pains ~! if the swallow part is pain how am i gona eat normally even though without the biting part?

== ~

NUMBNESS

2011-08-13T15:23:00.005+08:00

13/8/2011 Saturday

x-ray, surgery, stitching and all in just two weeks time two appointment with dentist.

finally i did my extraction of wisdom tooth or in korean language love tooth (사랑니)

now i can only feel the total numbness and the totally swelling especially half of my lips. i can even feel and smell the sucky yucky smell that come from my mouth and the stitch on my bleeding gum.

how long and how long more this annoying problem gona stop ? and anyone or just someone stop it now.?

AIGOO ~ this experience gona have again the next time for my left wisdom tooth i think.

사랑니, love teeth

2011-08-07T02:18:00.003+08:00

pain pain and pain.

wisdom tooth is giving much "help" in that.

going to have surgery soon.

ohmy, of other people's experience, it sounds bad, especially, my ee2 is soon~!

imagining face swollen, sore etc. worse there will be a hole~! food will go inside to fill up the empty place. if that happen i am going to dentist again?

NO ~!

나는 화났어

2011-08-06T01:30:00.004+08:00

i dont get it. i seriously dont get it.

how can she inform me in last min./? or should it be if i never ask, she will never ever gonna tell me so, right?

and how could she just did every decision by her own?! does she ever know she is in a group of 4?

remind her over and over again to send me her report for me to see as reference, but, she still forgot.

i dont get it. she hates me or something? if she is, just say so, i can just kindly not car pool with she and wait for my mom instead. what is it that hard.

plus, i can be alone without any problem, which i always do~!

maybe i should not care anything again. why should i in the first place should care? is not that people ever care about me before. and always i am the one that kept on listening to their stories. but no one does ever want / will listen to me.

the next time, i'm not praying for her to stay back or something else, might as well just wait for mum to take me back.

though alone is lonely, but edu is more important.

BUT SERIOUSLY,

why and why, everything i did today just dont suit me well, sent text to so many people, not a single human being replied me except maxis~!

in the end i accomplish nothing but gain angry~!

i cant believe

2011-08-05T00:52:00.000+08:00

04/08/2011 Thursday.

fishy

...

lie

...

2011-08-03T20:14:00.002+08:00

language is more important to the mind than the light is to the eye

- via Miracle Worker-movie

Daniel or Fruit Cake?

2011-08-03T17:09:00.002+08:00

3/8/2011 Wednesday

unexpected happiness happened to me . =)

but i should have follow my heart to wear pretty today.

...

Chick's On Run

2011-08-03T01:18:00.003+08:00

2/8/2011 Tuesday

i should start restraint myself from filling myself with delicious food.

i should have save $ by bringing food to uni but instead i go the waste way by eating so deliciously today.

but

it is actually worth it, it tastes good, though it is kinda expensive for the not that big portion.

... ...

Ugly

2011-08-01T23:40:00.002+08:00

1/8/2011 Monday.

20mins till 0000hours of 2/8/2011.

i think i am ugly and nobody wants to love me, just like her, i wanna be pretty, i wanna be pretty, dont lie in my face coz' i know i'm ugly~!

Just crowded or Only noisy?

2011-08-01T15:40:00.002+08:00

8/1/2011 Monday

is it me or somebody is too noisy ?

is it just crowded or only noisy?

in library there are rules and regulations, but barely people follow it/them, rather people chose to against it.

though they knew about it/them, they still break it as if it is rightful to do so.

however, when they are said/scolded, they feel a sense of innocent.

people never ever thought of sometimes or should say often they are wrong, but they chose to not accept the fact they are wrong.

same thing as, people love to judge each other, but they never thought of judging their own selves. they too never thought they themselves may have the personality that they actually have in them but when they look at others they judge others, criticize others, blame others.

...

Good Tea Good Time

2011-08-01T15:18:00.005+08:00

30/7/2011 saturday

finally, a good great awesome time with my bestie at sungai wang and times square.

we have a promise with each other for weeks or is it months?

finally, and finally, we made it~!

...

I AM SO SORRY

2011-07-26T21:05:00.003+08:00

26/7/2011 Tuesday

when i succeed in one thing, i failed in another thing.

i am so sorry.

i thought i can be proud of myself as i accomplished my notes for psy. but then. i didnt notice my phone. my friend called me and even text-ed me both twice yet i didnt notice that till hours later.

i failed as a person in charge.

eonnie gave me her trust in controlling the korean club. yet, i failed to follow.

i failed as a person in charge.

though i am busy in something not wasteful but useful, yet, i didnt manage to do well my duty as a committee in charge.

i'm not a responsible person.

i am so sorry to my friend and teacher as i didnt inform them earlier.

as what my sis told me before:"do not expect something or anything, expect they know or expect they are told, it can really lead to danger"

yes, is my fault for expecting that they knew. and they remember.

i expected and this lead to bad situation.

i know i should not be forgiven, but, at least. please let me say, i am so sorry.

I AM REALLY REALLY SORRY.

Miss Ripley

2011-07-26T01:29:00.001+08:00

25/7/2011 Monday

*to be updated*

OMONA~ i hope so that da hae eonnie didnt act in this drama...

HAPPY OR SAD ?

2011-07-23T11:28:00.005+08:00

THEME : HAPPY

23/7/2011 Saturday

*TO BE UPDATED*

THEME : SAD

23/7/2011 Saturday

today is yet another good day?

I doubt, i missed the chance of watching "top band" in kbs world as i mis-remember the time slot for it, which i looked for gmt +9 instead of +8. and i even missed the chance to relearn the band's name that i love (since they are GO-MI-NAM), but managed to watch their performance.

I doubt, again. My 2nd sis. I'm not sure whether she is my sis or should i say though we live in the same house for 18th years, still i dont understand her much. She can just be angry for a sudden and for a reason-less. When i looked at her, she gave me that eyes. She are a brilliant in making other people's day gone like no one's business.

It isnt even due to pms, during ms or after ms. Plus, i am the one that are having. may be i have better EQ than her. may be i have better SQ than her. all she is better than me is IQ?

i doubt her best friends knew anything about these. or maybe they knew her better than i do?

seriously, WHO ARE U?

IT IS JUST MY WRONG THOUGHT OF HER?

OMG ~ SORRY.

Proud-to-Proud & Out-to-Go

2011-07-23T01:45:00.004+08:00

22/7/2011 Friday

^^proud proud proud ~ IMMA PROUD OF MYSELF ~

surprisingly i had the passion and motive to clean and arrange my table after months of piling up books, papers and dusts on my table. Finally, i managed to clean up and rearranged. when i told my friend about this, sadly, they knew my trick - dumping stuff into drawer. OMG ~ failed to praise myself instead being figured out.

^^ out out out ~ out with friends today to celebrate one of my friends be-late-late-late-late-late-ed birthday. i feel so sorry for not able to celebrate her birthday on time or even just few days before or just few days after. but, we end up celebrate her birthday weeks after that, hopefully she dont mind much.

The present i bought for her(share with others) is a domo-kun shirt. It is cute, but not as cute as what v both seen before. Hope she like the present.

i have a great time chatting with them about everything, such as life, love, and living. Everyone having their own stress. Everyone having their own excitement. and so on.

However, i feel sad that we cant gathering together often or even seldom, but once in a blue moon now as different course of pre-u will have different break time different test time. I feel scare too that we cant be as close as before, and i feel that our friendship as become further apart.

It is really hard to maintain a friendship or relationship especially time is not giving you any chance. Soon or later, we may even feel awkward when we meet each other.

But life still go on.

well, met with best friend, tengy after that. and without saying, it is always fun to hang out with them.

IMMA so excited for our(me & teng) 10th years friendship next year. A blink of eye, we have grown from a kiddy to a young adult. it is great to know that we are still having a strong bond of friendship. though we fought some times, we still care for each other. Hope this friendship will last forever and ever even for the next life time. =)

*pictures to be uploaded...some time later xP

RTM ♥

2011-07-22T00:00:00.006+08:00

YES ~! RTM ♥

21/7/2011 Thurs.

what is rtm u say? rtm = rehat tidur makan

my routine for today was RTM. After i woke up, i went fb for a while before going to have my brunch. and then, i rest while watching another ep of heartstring.

inner-self of me was arguing against each other whether or not to pack my table and st

art work or to watch drama and rest myself for another day.

well, obviously the lazy me won again.

after an ep of heartstring, i tidur for almost half of the day. ♥ and ohmy, it was fun, though i had a weird weird dream of me myself witness a crime. blablabla. then, awaken by my dad to take bath.

then, continue with my day with playing computer again. =)

IMMA TOO STRESS-LESS AM I? XD

=====================================================

saw u on net again. and again, i hope so much that i could talk to u.

well, i love ur new profile picture. i love each and every photos u have to be honest.

they are picturesque.

and u, u reminded me of how i used to love these kind of picturesque photos before. and u, u ignited the light in me, the light that have a high passion on admiring those pro photographers that can change anything objects or living things that are so common into something that seems so special and unique.

i used to collect all kinds of photos that are mesmerizing, such as nature. though it is just a common scenery, those photographers can turn these common scenery to something amazing something inspiring by just one "touch".

HARRY POTTER DAY

2011-07-21T01:44:00.008+08:00

The day has finally come...

20/7/2011

the Harry Potter Day ~!

i watched the final part with my sis and her friends.

i had a another great day. ^^

plus ; we saw two couple koreans watching harry potter with us too ~

it was a surprise to see koreans around.

maybe is time that i get used to it.

but it gona take some time for me to get used...

my sis are a big spoiler, since she read the whole story of Harry Potter.

"this does not really happen, this not... that not..."

LOL ~ please sis i'll just follow my version

- the movie version - of Harry Potter. XD

she was nervous when waiting the show start,

should i say she is a great fan of harry potter?

anyway, i gona watch all the series of Harry Potter again ... if i have the time ~

my sis's friends really are funny...i love them...they made me laugh a lot. it aint any uncomfortable-ness when going out with them.

sadly, there cant any photos to kept it as memory, as my sis and her friends do not belong to a group that likes to take photos much.

AAH~ this morning, my dad brought us to the library. it is my very first as a teen to national library. it's been a long time since i last went there(when i was still a kid.)

man, seriously, the national library is really small especially the borrow corner(books that are allowed to borrow home). they should put more books on borrowing corner, this way, more people will read rather than wasting their time in something else.

especially, those books are not categorized in order, no matter it is romance, philosophy, horror, etc, books are organized all together though they are obviously not the same kind.

if they put a little more effort in categorizing, i'm sure more malaysians will borrow more books to read as they can easily find books of their interest.

__________________________________________________________

sometimes i have this feeling that i do not belong to anywhere.

whenever i go online, i always saw my friends having great great fun camwhore-ing with their "GANG".

i know i shouldn't care much of the gang part, but , still, i cant stop but thinking, who am i, where do i really belong to.

each and everyone have their own gang. whenever they go, they are together.

either for a trip, or a outing (shopping).

either for a movie, or a makan-ing.

as for me, ...

i dont know, or maybe, i'll never know or never will have known.

everytime, i feel lost, even with my best friends, i feel i cant fit with them well, or, dont fit well.

they always have their common interest, common liking, and common problems.

i feel stress. when i do not have what stress they are encountering, such as relationship problem.

maybe i am too stress out for those that i dont have?

whenever i told my friend with r'ship problem that those were they journey that everyone need to go through in their life.

i paused.

i think.

when is my journey for that happen? will i ever encounter those? or i should be happy that i'm not?

BRAND NEW?

2011-07-20T00:43:00.004+08:00

Going through my old posts, i can conclude that i am a childish yet amazing in some way and also a crazy kpop fans.

but, rather than keeping those posts, i removed everything in order to start over again - for my BRAND NEW blog.

in order to keep it fresh for me to re-read my new post, new classic template is used.

however, in the time coming, i may change the template.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

right, let's talk about my day~!

19/7/2011, TUE.

NORAEBANG DAY ♥

it has been ages since i last go karaoke with any of my friends.

though my best friends promised me long ago, this promise as not been succeed for months.

lucky, i have my two eonnie, jojo and cindy to teman me for sing k.

PLUS, sing kpop songs ^^ finally without the need of holding back on choosing k-songs.

I had a great fun, but time flies. Our noraebang session ended really quickly.

Hopefully there will next time.

I'll keep this sweet moment with eonnies in my heart till the next trip with them again ^^.

extra sweet moment, i saw really handsome KOREAN~! it seems that more and more koreans are in our uni. but why they came so late in july~? i have few more months leave before going to degree. going to degree means most probably no studying there ady~? SAD ~

***********************************************************************************

i know it is wrong but i cant stop thinking of you. whenever i saw u on net, i have the urge to talk to you. but, i knew what you will reply - a word.

it still appear fresh in mind of you standing side of her...i wana just grab you away from her side, and talk anything under the sky with you, but there doesnt seems any conversation gona form between.

i tried my very best not to think what may you think of me, the more i think the more i am afraid that you may hate me you may feel disgust of my existence. the more i am afraid the more timid i'll be to the extend no single word can be related to you.